The first and most obvious complication of being a working writer was the element of time. Being a student, and an employee and a working writer is a lot of jobs to fit into one day every day. So, naturally, the working writer found itself on the backburner most days. I found my writing life similar to that of my devotional life. It was that thing that I always forgot to do that made me feel guilty. It was that little thing in the back of my mind right before I went to bed. You didn’t write today, April. Much like doing devotions, I told my writing self, “Well, if I just find a consistent spot and a consistent time, I’ll be a consistent writer!” Unfortunately, it still didn’t work. Sometimes I was uninspired. Sometimes I was tired, or distracted. It was immensely frustrating.
The second observation I made about life as a working writer was how much of regular life influences your writing. In the beginning of the semester I had 18 credits, four jobs, grad school applications, and minor personality crisis. My writing reflected this. My writing sucked. It was minorly depressing. My writing used to be the one thing that I could say that I was quasi-good at. I looked forward to group workshops simply for an ego boost from compliments. Compliments that never came. By the end of the semester, I had 18 credits, 3 jobs, applications filled out, an internship lined up for next semester, three new dresses, and a boyfriend. My writing reflected this. I began to receive higher praise for my writing and became more confident in my abilities as a writer. I began to take risks and experiment with form and style. The second half of my writing semester was much better than the first.
The last observation I made through my experience of living as a working writer were my bad writing habits. One major problem that I have always (always) had with my writing is that I do not draft. Ever. I have this weird habit of attacking a piece in one sitting, without revision or consideration that I didn’t do it right the first time. Upon considering this odd trait, I found that it is most likely due to the fact that I cannot allow myself to ever let anyone see what Anne Lamott would call the “shitty first draft.” A “shitty first draft” is something that is either a sort of verbal diarrhea or something that you’re unsure that it would amount to anything. I like to either go with something or not go with it at all. If I don’t think a piece is going to go anywhere, I won’t even begin to write it.
Because of my inability to draft, I never go back and consider word choice or sentence structure, or any of the other various important things a good writer would go back to consider. Learning a trait like this would not only be beneficial for my paper, it would probably also increase my currently limited vocabulary. Throughout my semester I did not fix these problems, but simply took note of them. That is a bit saddening to realize, but hopefully will provide me with a challenge for the future—write crap and like it!
There has been one very promising development through this semester as a working writer—I may have found the confidence to submit some writing for publishing. I say this carefully—it is still a decision to be made. I recognize that there will be many, many “no’s” before that magical and unexpected “Yeah!” comes in the mail, but I’m at least tossing around the idea of breaking down my protective walls around my writing. I’m willing to throw some words out into the literary world and see what happens. I think I can do it.
Overall, this has been a semester of immense literary growth in style, self-realization, and confidence. I wish I had been more productive in the actual “writing” part of the working writer, but I am overall happy with the results this semester brought.
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