Reflective Thoughts on Grad School.

I've been a little uninspired to write, lately, but I don't consider that an excuse for not writing.  So I thought I'd give a little update on how my MLIS degree is going, since my graduate school journey has been rather disjointed.  Let's recap.

In May 2011 I graduated from Bethel University with ambitions to attend the University of Wisconsin - Madison's online graduate program.  That summer I got engaged and was fairly certain I would be living temporarily in New Mexico in one year's time with Nathan.  An online degree was perfect for that situation.  I got a part-time job at Best Buy and was living at my aunt's house in Coon Rapids.

In August of 2011 I attended Madison's Welcome Week for the new MLIS students.  At 21, I was the youngest person there by at least 5 years, which, you know, made me feel really cool, actually.  I had been in communication with a financial aid counselor via email for the past couple months and had set up an appointment to meet with her face-to-face at the end of the week.

The short version of that face-to-face meeting involved several apologies from the counselor, and her stating that instead of grad school costing $x, it was actually going to cost $2(x), which shocked me out of continuing the program because of wedding and Life Transition stress.

Fall 2012: I needed some direction in my life so I applied to the University of St. Thomas' English program.  At the time I was thinking of getting my master's degree and teaching at the community college level.  I had no PhD ambitions.  During this time I also got an office assistant position at Northwestern College.

For the next school year I struggled between really loving books and loving my professors at St. Thomas and loving sitting there and learning from them, and really disliking the majority of my classmates and the discussions that evolved during class.  I would have never admitted this at the time, but I deeply despised Literary Theory: finding penal symbolism in Emily Dickinson poetry, finding gender inequality in a love poem from a man to a woman ("Because the woman has no voice in the piece," the professor said.)  I asked way too many, "Isn't a cigar just a cigar?" sort of questions before I submitted to the pretentious formalities of the degree I was seeking.  Still, my projects were never like, "Psychoanalytical Subversive Racism in 1930's Spanish Plays," but more like, "Adaptations of Gulliver's Travels in Children's Literature."  I wanted to write about things that interested me, that actually made sense, that I wasn't writing just because the criticism was trendy at the time.

In the summer of 2013 I had a lot of "what am I doing with my life" and "why am I paying money to go to a glorified book club every week" sort of feelings.  I had gotten my Minitex job the previous February.  It seemed like all the jobs I wanted to pursue, or that I was qualified for, pointed me in the direction of libraries.  Although Minitex was pretty awful, I still got to spend half of my day wandering the stacks, talking to librarians, and helping people.  I was reminded in small ways of why I wanted to be a librarian in the first place.  So, well past the due date for fall admission, I applied to Saint Catherine University's MLIS program and was accepted. 

There is a comfort in finding your path in life.  I spent a rough 2 years trying to figure out what I was meant to do.  I watched a lot of John Green videos that contained empathy for the crushing monotony of everyday life, and words of wisdom like, "Adulthood doesn't involve you only doing one thing until time's winged chariot calls you home."  But that's how it feels when you graduate.  You need to work a couple of dead-end jobs and figure out what you're going to do for the next 30-40 years, which is terrifying. 

Perhaps librarianship isn't what I'll do for my forever.  If I stay in one place, I tend to lose my mind.  Maybe in 10 years I'll be a baby raiser with a side gig of selling organic lettuce.  That sounds pretty nice.  But for now, even though I am in a job I don't really like, and even though I'm super sick of being in school, I really feel like I've finally found my place in the universe, for now.  Being at St. Kates has surrounded me with intelligent professors, kind friends, and a peace of mind.

I love books so much.  I love helping people find them.  I'm really not in this for the money.  You don't become a librarian for money.  Hah!  Believe me.  You become a librarian for the love of knowledge and people.

So here I am.