When I was a freshman in high school, there was this super attractive, super talented senior named Dustin Morris. I was in choir with him. He had a voice that all the men envied and a smile that all the women treasured.
I was an awkward 14 year old girl at the time, and the simple thought of Dustin Morris, an 18 year old musical wonder, made me squeamishly nervous with admiration. I don't think I ever had a crush on him, necessarily, ... okay, that's a lie. I had a crush on him, but the sort of crush you would have on a movie star. The unattainable, admiration sort of crush. I knew he would never be interested in someone like me, of course, but he was the sort of man that you couldn't help but admire. I was never nervous around him due to romantic fumblings so much as I was in awe of his presence.
I was in the school musical with him--as a freshman I was a townsperson and he, of course, was one of the leading roles. The musical was "Once Upon A Mattress;" he was the court jester. He had a dancing/singing solo that made everyone smile.
I made sure to watch him during Solo & Ensemble competitions--outside of my 11 events that I was involved in, I made sure I had time to go listen to him perform. It wasn't weird or creepy--everyone wanted to hear Dustin sing.
I always wondered if there was a different side to Dustin... he was the sort of man who looked like he could have a dark side. According to my freshman self, being a "bad boy" was equated to someone who smokes or drinks, which I'm prettttyyyy sure he did. I'm pretty naive about Dustin's personal life, so I can only guess. That "wild side" only made him seem more intelligent and older--experienced in the ways of the world.
The only other things that I remember about Dustin are that he won some really really cool music award his senior year of high school for vocal performance, he was accepted to Lawrence, I college that I was, at the time, totally convinced on attending, he played the guitar, had diabetes, and was an awesome, awesome Christian guy.
On the day his class graduated, I wanted to say something to him so badly. I wasn't even sure what. I wanted to tell him how much he had inspired my life, music-wise and faith-wise. His smile and positivity was contagious, his music talent was genius. I never said anything, though. It would have been so weird to go up to a person you barely talked to and say, "I know you hardly know me, but you've influenced my life so much...and...thanks."
A few years later, I expressed that I had still had this desire to tell Dustin something. I don't remember who I was talking to, but they responded with, "Oh, Dustin Morris? He thought you were cool."
Becoming instantly gushy, all I could say was, "ME??"
Dustin Morris died last week, at the age of 24.
I don't feel remorseful that I never said anything to him. He knew how cool he was, and I'm sure he influenced almost everyone he met. I wasn't anything special to him, but he was to me.
So, all this is to say--thank you, Dustin. You showed me what it meant to be positive. To work hard. To live the Christian life. To be kind to everyone. To use the talents God gave you. You had so much going for you that it doesn't make sense to me that you were taken so young. Hm. Maybe God needed a strong baritone in the choir. Sing on.
This brought back a lot of memories for me. Well done, my dear.
ReplyDeleteI was a freshman and in your choir class as well. I had the amazing fortune to get to know Dustin. Of course, the moment I saw him I thought he was quite attractive, and being the new girl from California made me REALLY nervous around anyone. Dustin was incredibly sweet though, and he and his friend Ben Arnold invited me to go sit with them on our first day of study hall. Needless to say, my heart was hammering somethin fierce! Over the next few weeks, we became friends. At homecoming, we weren't official dates, but we spent half of the dance together (apologies for my actual date!) Soon after, we sort of began dating. But really it was just more of spending time with one of my very best friends. You want to know what Dustin was like? He was blatantly talented, incredibly caring, funny in a way that snuck up on you, intelligent, adorable even when he was trying to be mad, and loved life. As for the "dark side", there was hardly any to be found. Any "darkness" that there may or may not have been is nothing compared to the light. One of my all time fondest memories of Dustin was when we were hanging out in the biggest of the practice rooms (that one was a glorified janitors closet..but he knew I was extremely claustrophobic, so he never made me go in a small one). It must have been early November sometime, and I was sitting in one chair, and he was sitting across from me in another. I was wearing his shirt (he was still in his undershirt, mind you, but he let me borrow his shirt because...well I was a Californian in Wisconsin when the weather was getting cold!), strumming hid guitar, while we went over his lines for the play Harvey (he was the lead of course), and he painted my toes (I kid you not). That day pretty much summed up our entire friendship/relationship. Soon after, any romance that was there just sort of dwindled away, but our friendship remained. In December, I moved back to California. We may not have talked as much, but when Dustin and I would talk after that, it was like we had never stopped. The last time I spoke to him before he died, he was having a rough time, and I got to tell him one last time what an amazing person he was and that I would always care for him. When I'm most lost and upset, I cling to those last few words to him. I miss him so much. I never told him, but I loved him those years ago. I'm incredibly grateful that I met the amazing man who is now my husband, but Dustin was always the "what if I just told him back then?" But if I did, perhaps we wouldn't have been friends until the end. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your thoughts on my little blog. I'm glad someone was able to tell him how awesome he was before he died. I'm sure in the smallest way, it made him feel better.
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