Friendship Application

Congratulations!  If you’re reading this, you’ve decided to take that final step in solidifying your friendship with April Walker.  You are only 23 questions away from entering into a magical relationship that will create a lifetime of rewarding experiences.  Please submit your answers to aprille.nicole@gmail.com, or the comments section of April’s blog post.  You will receive a scorecard within 5 business days of your submission.  An accepted application will be returned with a friendship contract to be signed by both parties.  A rejected application will result in termination of attempts at friendship and removal from social media connections.

Section 1: Yes or No. 

This may be a difficult mode of test-taking for some, as it requires a definite answer.  As I am bad at giving definite answers to things, being my friend may require you to make definite choices as to keep life moving along without hesitations over every menu option.   Applicants who are able to complete this section without adding marginalia or creating their own answer to the question will score an additional five points.

1. Is majoring in a humanity (English, Art, Philosophy, etc) a meaningful undertaking for the betterment of society?                                                                 YES                         NO

2.       Do you prefer e-readers over books?                     YES                         NO

3.       If it is cold outside but you have a fashionable cami that you would like to wear, is it acceptable to wear a long-sleeved shirt underneath said cami?       YES                         NO

4.       Do you find the outdoors to be a generally uncomfortable place?             YES                         NO

5.       Is contemporary art more sophisticated in its ability to convey messages than classical art?

 YES                        NO

6.       Alot?     YES                         NO

7.       Would you choose love over comfort?                   YES                         NO

8.       Does travel, especially that outside of the continental U.S., excite you?                 YES                         NO

9.       Would you prefer to live to an old age surrounded by your family over living alone your whole life but having explored the world?       YES                         NO        

10.   Does beer taste good?   YES                         NO        

Section 2: Multiple choice.  Sometimes life’s questions are more trying than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’  That is when I step in to supply all the answers.

1.       Would you consider yourself a Packer’s fan?

a.       Football isn’t really my thing.  But if you like a team, that’s great! 

b.      Go Packers!!  Go team!!

c.       If it increases the likelihood that I can be your friend, then I could start to like football…

d.      No, I prefer the _____________(fill in the blank) team.

2.       How many books do you read in a month? (Books for school count, if you read over 2/3 of the book).

a.       0-1

b.      1-4

c.       5-9

d.      10+

3.       Billy Collins’ poetry can be best described as __________.

a.       Symbolic and personal

b.      Relatable and down to earth

c.       Idealistic and flowing

d.      High brow and expressive

4.       How do you feel about musicals?

a.       If tickets weren’t $6,000, I would be at the theatre every weekend!

b.      I like random acts of song.  They make me happy.

c.       People in life don’t burst out in song.  Why do people in musicals do that?

d.      I’ve never seen one.

5.       How many spaces go after a period?

a.       One

b.      Two

c.       Zero

6.       How often do you frequent my blog?

a.       Once a day

b.      Once a week

c.       2-3 times a week

d.      2-3 times a month

7.       Small dogs are _________

a.       Precious.

b.      Not real dogs.

c.       Cats.

8.       How many Facebook friends do you have?

a.       Less than 150

b.      150-300

c.       301-500

d.      500 or more

9.       In your opinion, which of these scenarios constitutes a great night with me?

a.       Doing a puzzle, eating pizza, and watching sitcom reruns.

b.      Going out and having an adventure in the city.

c.       Sitting and talking and painting our nails.

d.      Grabbing a bunch of friends and going dancing.

10.   Which of the following bands is the closest representation to your taste in music?

a.       Rhianna

b.      Mumford & Sons

c.       Michael W. Smith

d.      Nine Inch Nails

Section 3: Short Answer.  Because sometimes what you have to say is meaningful!

1.       Please list three poems, followed by a short sentence as to how each of them has influenced your outlook on life.

2.       Please write me a haiku about why you desire to be my friend.

3.       In a paragraph or less,  please describe your feelings toward politics.